Habits We’ve Come to Think of as Normal,

Irresponsible Communication

         Let’s assume we have decided to nurture what is good and strong and Grounded in each other. One would think that having made that decision, a person would be all set. You know you are loved, you are powerful, capable and able and we are going to nurture those things. The problem is that many of us have been trained by well-intentioned people to act and react in specific ways, many of which neither nurture us or anyone around us.

         Many people have been trained to complain, as well as seek to find blame and fault, all of which leads to irresponsible and ineffective communication. Much of our communication seeks to find anyone other than us to be responsible for a situation.

         “If only the government would wake up and solve the problem.” We want agencies to solve the ills of society. In order for children to grow up healthy and Grounded, they need to be loved and nurtured in a consistent environment. We ask paid employees to care for, feed, house and educate children who were not wanted and/or not cared for. We give precious little training to those who might want to raise children. What would happen if we all decided to love one more person who was lost or abandoned?

         “That’s the dumbest decision I have ever seen an administrator make. Can we talk?” The person making the decision in this case is blamed for doing the best they knew how, even though it might be wrong. What about, “I am struggling with the decision you made, can we talk?” In the second case the person with the problem actually takes responsibility for the situation without blaming the supervisor. Which employee do you want working for you? Responsible communication means I own the fact that I have the problem. Irresponsible communication means that I act as if you have the problem. If I am upset, no matter what anyone did, I am the one with the problem.

         Perhaps the worst of our irresponsible communication is 3rd Party conversation. We talk about people not present. Conversations about a youngster’s future in schools used to be called parent teacher conferences. The person most responsible for how their lives turn out is not in the room (the child)! When young people who do not feel loved and grounded within themselves, hear adults talking about others behind their back, they assume we are doing the same to them. Is there anyone out there who really likes being talked about behind their back?

         Third party conversation (gossip) does damage and the only reason people do it is to elevate themselves. The only reason anyone would want to elevate themselves is because they don’t feel good about themselves. Grounded people don’t damage others, verbally, physically, or in any other way.