Attitudes and Circumstances

         Rain in and of itself, or any kind of weather for that matter, does not produce a particular reaction in human beings. And when it rains or snows, some people act as if they are done for the day. It is not possible with that attitude to produce a spectacular day. Yet, if it rains in a third world country after a yearlong drought, there is dancing in the streets, rejoicing. The rain does not produce the reaction. Our reaction is learned behavior, capable of being changed.

         Do you remember what you thought of the idea of physical intimacy with another person when you were eight or nine years old? What happened to that revulsion by the time you were nineteen or twenty? If you have ever gone for a long walk with someone you love in the warm gentle rain of summer, you will never condemn rain automatically. According to most meteorologists, sunny days are far better than rainy days and any inclement weather creates a “bad day.” This simply reinforces the fact that circumstances rather than one’s attitude control how things turn out.

         We are at present surrounded by one of the less-than-wonderful offshoots of a free market economy. Manufacturers, stores, people selling anything, present their products as if it were the thing that will make your life perfect. Make you happy. Complete. Whole. At least better.

         “If you drink this diet soda, your body will look like that and then you can have one of these to go home with and then you will be happy.” There isn’t enough diet soda in the world to make your body look that way.

         A few years ago, another diet soda made Britney Spears its spokesperson, no doubt because she is articulate. Unfortunately, in this case Britney, also, thought for a while that happiness and satisfaction were to be bought or discovered externally. I hope for her sake she knows today that her worth and value in the world are a given, not to be achieved or accomplished. And I hope she is loved absolutely and without condition by at least one person and let’s that love in.

         If you chew Doublemint gum, you get two people to play with. There is a new gum that apparently will make you a better kisser.

         John Belushi, regardless of whether you liked his humor or not, was at the top of his game when he died, very wealthy. Robin Williams was his best friend. From all outward appearances, John had the world at his feet. When I ask people why he is dead, the overwhelming majority answer, “He died of a drug overdose.” Drugs were the vehicle of his death. The cause was that he thought happiness and satisfaction were to be reached, achieved, someplace to get to.

          Happiness and satisfaction are places to come from, not to get to.

         They are choices, not results.

         It is commonly held that circumstances and things create one’s attitude. It is always a matter of choice. John Belushi is dead because no amount of money or success can produce happiness.

The last of the freedoms – to choose one’s attitudes in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

– Victor Frankl

         Victor Frankl wrote this in a concentration camp, after his family was murdered. What do you think this ability says about us and our capacity to be in charge of our attitudes? Almost every person with whom I share that quote says something to the effect of, “I don’t have that much power.” Yes, actually, we do!